Whoo-hoo, I got quoted in a colleague's blog post (from my FaceBook post on procrastination–I had waited too long to sign up for a teleclass on procrastination!). Another organizer named Margaret...Margaret Lukens of New Leaf Organizing.
Margaret wrote a nice essay about how organizers might be perceived as being "perfectly organized" yet we, are indeed, human!
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
What have I finished?
There's nothing wrong with not having finished, with being "mid-process" on your way to completing something. There's even nothing wrong with not knowing what you are going to end up with in the end. of letting the process guide you to what you'll end up with. Trusting in the process and trusting in yourself are the key.
Here are a couple of examples around this idea.
Often, when I first visit a client, I have no idea how I will help them! But I have learned to trust in the process of the questions I ask and trust in myself that I do have the skills necessary to help. Things start unfolding as I get to know the client and how he or she thinks and her likes and dislikes. Ideas start to come, and not usually just from me. The best ideas often come from the client--I am often just a catalyst to help them see how they would like to proceed. We have a vague idea of what the end result is--a more organized home, better time management, etc. But it is through trial and error (and close examination of those success and challenges) that we arrive on what works. Each step is a completion of sorts, along the "mid-process" route.
In another metaphor, think about the college student. Many young adults start college without being sure of what kind of a degree they want. They just start by attending required courses, then trying on some they think they like and making decisions from there. No one thinks less of them because they don't have a degree yet--they are "mid-process." The degree comes at the end. The experience comes the whole time! And how many people do we know who actually completed college in only four years, without taking longer or changing their major? I know a few exist, but I don't think they are the majority. What students have "finished" all along the way are hundreds of assignments, and dozens of papers, books and classes. Let's not forget to enjoy that "completion chemistry" with all the "little" completions along the way. (Good to remember whether you are a college student or not!)
And even when we've "finished" getting a degree, we are never finished learning or deciding we can take a few more courses, whether a new "course" at a college or a new "course" in life.
Here are a couple of examples around this idea.
Often, when I first visit a client, I have no idea how I will help them! But I have learned to trust in the process of the questions I ask and trust in myself that I do have the skills necessary to help. Things start unfolding as I get to know the client and how he or she thinks and her likes and dislikes. Ideas start to come, and not usually just from me. The best ideas often come from the client--I am often just a catalyst to help them see how they would like to proceed. We have a vague idea of what the end result is--a more organized home, better time management, etc. But it is through trial and error (and close examination of those success and challenges) that we arrive on what works. Each step is a completion of sorts, along the "mid-process" route.
In another metaphor, think about the college student. Many young adults start college without being sure of what kind of a degree they want. They just start by attending required courses, then trying on some they think they like and making decisions from there. No one thinks less of them because they don't have a degree yet--they are "mid-process." The degree comes at the end. The experience comes the whole time! And how many people do we know who actually completed college in only four years, without taking longer or changing their major? I know a few exist, but I don't think they are the majority. What students have "finished" all along the way are hundreds of assignments, and dozens of papers, books and classes. Let's not forget to enjoy that "completion chemistry" with all the "little" completions along the way. (Good to remember whether you are a college student or not!)
And even when we've "finished" getting a degree, we are never finished learning or deciding we can take a few more courses, whether a new "course" at a college or a new "course" in life.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Package Deals
Instead of seasonal offers, I have decided to offer two special packages all the time. These seem to be the most popular and offer substantial savings. Their elegance is in their simplicity.
Purchase a 10 hour package and receive 1 extra hour free.
(11 total hours)
(11 total hours)
Purchase a 20 hour package and receive 3 extra hours free.
(23 hours total)
(23 hours total)
My rates vary per type of job, but are in the $70 - $100 range.
These packages are available to new and returning clients.
I am anything but a "hard-sell." If you are a new client, you can pay by the hour for the first session and if you decide to purchase a package, you can apply that to the balance at the end of the second session.
- No refunds on unused hours. Hours must be used within one year of purchase.
- Minimum 3-hour sessions hands-on and 1-hour sessions phone coaching.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Sour Notes of Perfectionism
I had a great chat today with a client and my thoughts around one of my latest personal adventures and organizing finally coalesced.
I am taking a beginning voice class at my local junior college. "Beginning Voice" is a fancy way of saying "Singing lessons." It's a group class, but not a choir. We are each working on individual songs and each of us will sing solo in front of the class at least 5 times over the semester. Marvel Gardner (the most wonderful, charismatic, talented, and funny voice teacher in the world) then evaluates our performance on many (oh so many) different levels.
It is, at the same time, the most exciting and terrifying thing I have ever done. Maybe this is the kind of rush people get who like to bungee jump or skydive. (I'm NOT one of those.) I took a few singing lessons when I was in high school and sang in the chorus of our production of Oklahoma! But I have never sung solo. ("Singing" campfire songs in front of 300 people in Yosemite as a park ranger doesn't really qualify.)
But in these past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and even more about letting go of perfectionism, which I am forever pushing on my clients.(The letting go, that is, not perfectionism!)
Just before the night I thought I might have to sing solo for the first time, my little brain was having a huge conversation with itself. Mostly about rationalizing dropping out of the class. "The song she is having us sing is too hard." "It's not my style." "I can't remember the words." "I don't sing it very well." On and on.
The other part of me took over and argued "But you've been wanting to do this for years." "You've already spent the $199 on the course, and you won't get it back." "Just do it and see if you really DO suck at singing, because your shower head is NEVER going to give you an evaluation of your abilities or help you be a better singer."
Yes, I went to class. I got there too late to sign up for singing that night and instead I just listened to my fellow newbies sing "Long Time Ago" (you can hear a bit of this on iTunes if you search Long Time Ago sung by Yvonne Kenny), over and over. Some were good. Some not so good. Some were good in parts, and not so good in others. Nobody was perfect. The song sounded different on everyone since each student has a different voice.
What did I learn? I learned (and remembered) that good enough is good enough. And practicing the song really helps. And even if I sucked at the song, I was still doing it. Even if it wasn't my best effort (sometimes I don't know when to stop practicing and just start doing), I was still going to sing it, get evaluated and learn what to try to make it better. I learned by watching all the others go before me and listened carefully to Marvel's instructions. I put those into practice when I rehearsed, and yes, when I did perform finally, it wasn't perfect, but it didn't suck. She gave me pointers and I worked on them. And when I performed again, I did better. Still not perfect, and that's OK.
I experimented. I let myself feel the fear and still performed. This wasn't Carnegie Hall, it was voice class, and I owed it to all the other students who had also faced their fears and performed in front of me. Backing out would be letting them down. Backing out would be not holding up my part of the deal. Sing for me and I'll sing for you.
This little essay only scratches the surface of what I am learning in this 13-week commitment to this class. But it has given me even more respect for others who face their fears, commit to change, and let go of trying to be perfect for fear of being seen as less than perfect. My clients do that every day. Each time I walk into a new client's home, I am often the first they have let in in months, years or decades. I don't take that responsibility lightly and I am honored they have chosen me.
My class is called "The Joy of Singing" and I can only hope I bring the "Joy of Organizing" to my clients (or just inspire readers) in their quests for a more comfortable home and life...even though the path to that life might be scary, challenging, change-making and hopefully, thrilling at the same time.
Sometimes we hit the right note. Sometimes we don't. But it's awfully quiet if we don't sing at all.
I am taking a beginning voice class at my local junior college. "Beginning Voice" is a fancy way of saying "Singing lessons." It's a group class, but not a choir. We are each working on individual songs and each of us will sing solo in front of the class at least 5 times over the semester. Marvel Gardner (the most wonderful, charismatic, talented, and funny voice teacher in the world) then evaluates our performance on many (oh so many) different levels.
It is, at the same time, the most exciting and terrifying thing I have ever done. Maybe this is the kind of rush people get who like to bungee jump or skydive. (I'm NOT one of those.) I took a few singing lessons when I was in high school and sang in the chorus of our production of Oklahoma! But I have never sung solo. ("Singing" campfire songs in front of 300 people in Yosemite as a park ranger doesn't really qualify.)
But in these past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and even more about letting go of perfectionism, which I am forever pushing on my clients.(The letting go, that is, not perfectionism!)
Just before the night I thought I might have to sing solo for the first time, my little brain was having a huge conversation with itself. Mostly about rationalizing dropping out of the class. "The song she is having us sing is too hard." "It's not my style." "I can't remember the words." "I don't sing it very well." On and on.
The other part of me took over and argued "But you've been wanting to do this for years." "You've already spent the $199 on the course, and you won't get it back." "Just do it and see if you really DO suck at singing, because your shower head is NEVER going to give you an evaluation of your abilities or help you be a better singer."
Yes, I went to class. I got there too late to sign up for singing that night and instead I just listened to my fellow newbies sing "Long Time Ago" (you can hear a bit of this on iTunes if you search Long Time Ago sung by Yvonne Kenny), over and over. Some were good. Some not so good. Some were good in parts, and not so good in others. Nobody was perfect. The song sounded different on everyone since each student has a different voice.
What did I learn? I learned (and remembered) that good enough is good enough. And practicing the song really helps. And even if I sucked at the song, I was still doing it. Even if it wasn't my best effort (sometimes I don't know when to stop practicing and just start doing), I was still going to sing it, get evaluated and learn what to try to make it better. I learned by watching all the others go before me and listened carefully to Marvel's instructions. I put those into practice when I rehearsed, and yes, when I did perform finally, it wasn't perfect, but it didn't suck. She gave me pointers and I worked on them. And when I performed again, I did better. Still not perfect, and that's OK.
I experimented. I let myself feel the fear and still performed. This wasn't Carnegie Hall, it was voice class, and I owed it to all the other students who had also faced their fears and performed in front of me. Backing out would be letting them down. Backing out would be not holding up my part of the deal. Sing for me and I'll sing for you.
This little essay only scratches the surface of what I am learning in this 13-week commitment to this class. But it has given me even more respect for others who face their fears, commit to change, and let go of trying to be perfect for fear of being seen as less than perfect. My clients do that every day. Each time I walk into a new client's home, I am often the first they have let in in months, years or decades. I don't take that responsibility lightly and I am honored they have chosen me.
My class is called "The Joy of Singing" and I can only hope I bring the "Joy of Organizing" to my clients (or just inspire readers) in their quests for a more comfortable home and life...even though the path to that life might be scary, challenging, change-making and hopefully, thrilling at the same time.
Sometimes we hit the right note. Sometimes we don't. But it's awfully quiet if we don't sing at all.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Top Three Reasons to Hoard
I attended a talk the other day and the speaker mentioned that there ARE some good reasons to hoard. It made me think a bit, even though it made me cringe. When I hear the word "hoard" I think of my clients who have so much stuff in their homes that they can no longer function. They can't sleep in their beds. They can't cook in their kitchens and they can't sit on their couch. Or take a shower or bath.
The meaning of the word might have changed, but I do tend to think we the word has always meant, "keeping too much."
But here are my top three times when it's OK to "hoard."
1. You are a squirrel (scrub jay, marmot, pika, rat, etc.) and you need to store food for the winter in order to survive. Even if there is "extra" when spring comes, at least it has padded your lair and insulated it.
2. You live in California (earthquakes), the midwest (tornadoes), a river delta (flooding) or the East (hurricanes and snow storms) and you have created an emergency preparedness kit so you have a better chance of surviving one of these disasters.
The next group I do tend to think of as a little "crazy" but I do harbor a little envy at the same time...
3. You are a "Dooms-dayer" that believes something is coming (an apocalypse, Commies, hippies or Democrats/Republicans) that will change the face of the earth forever and you will need supplies for 6 months or longer and the ability to be self-sufficient after that.
Group 1 is acting on instinct. Something tells them to gather food in order to live.
Groups 2 and 3 might be acting on either real or imagined future scenarios, but both are acting in an organized fashion and are doing what they can get to make sure they can get to their supplies and make use of them when they will need them.
Someone who is keeping things "for the future" or "when I might need them" and is not organized about it, is fooling him/herself into thinking they are just being prepared or frugal.
If you have so much stuff in your home that you can no longer do some basic things (mentioned above--sleep in your bed, sit on your couch, cook in your kitchen, use your bath or shower) because of the things that are piled on your bed, laying on your couch, "stored" in your kitchen or in your stove or piled in your tub or shower, then you have a problem called hoarding.
It may also be preventing you from seeing your family, or your own family from having friends over. It may have ruined a relationship. And it can kill you. (It can prevent emergency personnel from reaching you and even kill you directly if a pile falls on you or trips you up.)
If you are living like this, or know someone who is, please, please, let someone else know. Start seeing a therapist or counselor. Reach out to a friend.
There might be a "Hoarding Task Force" or alliance of some kind in your county or city.
Here are a few resources to start with.
A local mental health agency.
In the San Francisco Bay Area, try:
San Francisco Mental Health Association Institute on Hoarding and Cluttering, http://mha-sf.org/programs/ichc.cfm
National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization, www.nsgcd.org
They provide free Fact Sheets as well as a referral service to help you find a professional organizer trained in helping clients with hoarding issues.
National Association of Professional Organizers, www.napo.net
You can find an organizer in your area. Just be sure s/he lists severe clutter or hoarding as a specialty.
I Care Village, www.icarevillage.com
A new comprehensive online resource for caregivers of the elderly. A section on hoarding is included.
Children of Hoarders website
Comprehensive website with links to local resources, legal advice, therapists in your part of the country. Personal stories, pictures, videos. Not for the faint of heart–but you will realize you are not alone! http://www.childrenofhoarders.com
OCD Foundation (Hoarding Center)
This site is co-edited by Drs. Randy Frost and Gail Skeketee, authors (with David Tolin) of Buried in Treasures (see below). They are on the front line of research into hoarding behaviors. http://www.ocfoundation.info/hoarding/
Books
Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving and Hoarding, by David Tolin, Randy Frost and Gail Steketee.
The meaning of the word might have changed, but I do tend to think we the word has always meant, "keeping too much."
But here are my top three times when it's OK to "hoard."
1. You are a squirrel (scrub jay, marmot, pika, rat, etc.) and you need to store food for the winter in order to survive. Even if there is "extra" when spring comes, at least it has padded your lair and insulated it.
2. You live in California (earthquakes), the midwest (tornadoes), a river delta (flooding) or the East (hurricanes and snow storms) and you have created an emergency preparedness kit so you have a better chance of surviving one of these disasters.
The next group I do tend to think of as a little "crazy" but I do harbor a little envy at the same time...
3. You are a "Dooms-dayer" that believes something is coming (an apocalypse, Commies, hippies or Democrats/Republicans) that will change the face of the earth forever and you will need supplies for 6 months or longer and the ability to be self-sufficient after that.
Group 1 is acting on instinct. Something tells them to gather food in order to live.
Groups 2 and 3 might be acting on either real or imagined future scenarios, but both are acting in an organized fashion and are doing what they can get to make sure they can get to their supplies and make use of them when they will need them.
Someone who is keeping things "for the future" or "when I might need them" and is not organized about it, is fooling him/herself into thinking they are just being prepared or frugal.
If you have so much stuff in your home that you can no longer do some basic things (mentioned above--sleep in your bed, sit on your couch, cook in your kitchen, use your bath or shower) because of the things that are piled on your bed, laying on your couch, "stored" in your kitchen or in your stove or piled in your tub or shower, then you have a problem called hoarding.
It may also be preventing you from seeing your family, or your own family from having friends over. It may have ruined a relationship. And it can kill you. (It can prevent emergency personnel from reaching you and even kill you directly if a pile falls on you or trips you up.)
If you are living like this, or know someone who is, please, please, let someone else know. Start seeing a therapist or counselor. Reach out to a friend.
There might be a "Hoarding Task Force" or alliance of some kind in your county or city.
Here are a few resources to start with.
A local mental health agency.
In the San Francisco Bay Area, try:
San Francisco Mental Health Association Institute on Hoarding and Cluttering, http://mha-sf.org/programs/ichc.cfm
National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization, www.nsgcd.org
They provide free Fact Sheets as well as a referral service to help you find a professional organizer trained in helping clients with hoarding issues.
National Association of Professional Organizers, www.napo.net
You can find an organizer in your area. Just be sure s/he lists severe clutter or hoarding as a specialty.
I Care Village, www.icarevillage.com
A new comprehensive online resource for caregivers of the elderly. A section on hoarding is included.
Children of Hoarders website
Comprehensive website with links to local resources, legal advice, therapists in your part of the country. Personal stories, pictures, videos. Not for the faint of heart–but you will realize you are not alone! http://www.childrenofhoarders.com
OCD Foundation (Hoarding Center)
This site is co-edited by Drs. Randy Frost and Gail Skeketee, authors (with David Tolin) of Buried in Treasures (see below). They are on the front line of research into hoarding behaviors. http://www.ocfoundation.info/hoarding/
Books
Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving and Hoarding, by David Tolin, Randy Frost and Gail Steketee.
Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring, by Michael Tompkins and Tamara Hartl.
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